Purpose

Day 44. Warroad to Baudette. 53 miles. TTD 2826 miles. 1100 feet elevation. Weather perfect.

Should I be embarrassed by the day’s minimum mileage? Likely, no one cares how far I ride except me. Yet, there’s something about putting that number at the top of the page that feels important to me. Maybe it’s the mark of getting closer? Perhaps it’s some testosterone-fueled chest pounding? Or, it’s simply keeping track to give myself some meaning and purpose.

One of the guests on a Freakonomics podcast about the “elder swell” (i.e., too many old people) spoke about our worries with increasing life expectancy. We worry that we will outlive our relationships, our health, our finances, and our purpose. I’m incredibly fortunate to have wonderful friends and family across all ages. I won’t outlive all my relationships. Presently, and hopefully in the future, my health will continue to be good, and I will continue to work on it. My finances are in better shape than they should be because of a wonderful first boss in emergency medicine. She made us always put money into our 401(k)s before we paid ourselves. Otherwise, I’d likely still be working in the ER with zero retirement. As for purpose, I am still employed, which I find useful and enjoyable. But does this 4-month bike ride have a worthwhile purpose?

Riding through the canola, soybean, corn, and wheat fields today, I noticed a gentleman, probably in his 80s, who drove past me and then parked by a field. He got out of his car and walked down a row of corn for a while before returning to his car and then driving to a nearby house. Clearly, even in his old age, he is interested in what he considers to be the purpose of his life, or at least one of them.

Undoubtedly, I’ve been given carte blanche to do whatever I want as I try to move forward from Gloria’s death. I could have said I’m going to stay home and watch reruns of Star Trek for 4 months, and I’m pretty certain everybody would have said, “Good idea.” I appreciate that no one’s trying to tell me how to deal with it. People who know me didn’t really bat an eye at the idea of a 4-month bike ride. Of course, now that I’m out here, perhaps everybody’s wondering, maybe me more than anyone, if this is the best use of my time and what purpose it might truly serve.

I think a lot of times in this life, it’s not so much what we’re doing but that we’re doing it. A man works in a factory for 30 years, producing things that will eventually be useless. Yet, as a provider, his time is well spent. Oftentimes, the “doing it” is the value or purpose rather than what “it” is.

I in no way think that my bike time is as valuable as someone spending their time providing. Sometimes, our purposes are less meaningful but still important. Persistence and daily action are valuable even if they don’t produce an item or income. This is especially true for me at a time when things could go very south mentally. So, while it is sometimes monotonous on a minute-to-minute and even a day-to-day basis, having a purpose to get up and keep going across the country is something I’m very grateful to have and to be able to do at this time.