Grandma, Grumpy AND Gumby

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is! (Ellen DeGeneres)

Our grandchildren are all under thirteen years old. Their young minds likely don’t fully grasp the concept of grandma and grumpy riding the GDMBR. Similarly, our aging minds don’t fully grasp the concept. For us that is a good thing or we would never start. In their case, we’ve been trying to think how best to keep their interest for the entire, two month journey. We don’t want them to lose track of us in the woods.

Kids now days, anyone not on Medicare, would likely document the trip with hundreds of hours of GoPro footage recording each turn of the pedals and endless selfies. When I see people with GoPro’s, I unsuccessfully try to imagine anyone watching the footage! Short of a grizzly chasing me, 2800 miles of dirt road, bike and sky just isn’t going to make an engaging movie for the grand kids. Likewise, thousands of digital selfies with Gloria smiling (gliding on her e-bike) and me crying (stomping the pedals on my Twinkie powered bike) is equally unattractive.

If you are sadly as old as me, then you might remember the cartoon character Gumby. He wasn’t the best cartoon, but in a strange way his lips and eyes moving on his otherwise rigid face was intriguing. Yes, animation wasn’t the best when I was young because computers were the size of a semi truck and cost more than a house. In any case, I recently bought a Gumby and introduced him to our grand kids. It wasn’t long before he had a broken “humerus” (i.e. the wire in his flexible arm broke) from all the attention: the kids loved Gumby. Strange in a world with allegedly superior entertainment.

They say that a threesome is really the safest way to ride the GDMBR. However, bringing another grandma or grandpa on the trip doesn’t make much sense: three times the number of stops to pee, three pairs of lost glasses, and three times more likely to forget where we are or are going. So we decided to make our third adventurer Gumby. Unfortunately, he won’t be helping carry any of the load and can’t be sent for rescue. Fortunately, he won’t be drinking any of the water, eating the food or complaining. Most importantly, our grand kids are now very interested in monitoring our adventure.

The additional benefit is that we won’t be sending boring selfies or mindless GoPro footage. Our pictures will contain a movie star. Like finding Waldo, each picture will give our grand kids a chance to “find Gumby” and see what he is doing on the trip. Concurrently, they might even remember that they have a grandma and grumpy that are somewhere off riding their bikes through some amazing country.